OVERVIEW
Having a mental disorder is a miserable, never-ending cycle with no beginning or end. Everyone has demons they deal with their entire lives. There is so much to look forward to, so sad thoughts should be accepted and moved along with the help of family and friends.
ESSAY
Turtles All the Way Down
Unlike a few decades ago, many juveniles have been struggling with self identity and maintaining mental health. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 1 in 5 teenagers in the US suffer from severe mental disorders. This number is astonishingly high considering that in the 1950s, society rarely referred to a person as ‘depressed’. Today’s society has recognized its need for more psychiatric help. John Green demonstrates this in his book, Turtles All the Way Down, which refers to an old philosophical joke: Flat earth is balancing on an endless amount of larger and larger turtles--there is an exploration to find the top and bottom. It relates to finding self identity--an infinite process with no beginning and no end (a spiral)-- which many teens can connect with. Aza is not just confused with who she is but questions her existence and control over her life; everything ultimately works out in the finish.
Aza cannot remember a time when she did not feel hopeless or scared. Even before her dad left when she was a girl, she had recurring, troubling thoughts. She can no longer remember what it feels like to experience true joy. Bad experiences are constantly replaying in her mind and nothing ever changes. Floating around in a black hole, Aza seeks to find an escape, which only ends in failure. Dr. Singh regularly asks if she is taking her medication, but Aza states that she does not have the motivation to stick with it. She says, “via pill is… I don’t know… weird”(88). Aza worries that it will turn her into someone she is not. She also does not accept that therapy helps. Dr. Singh is constantly giving her tips to overcome her fears, but Aza fails to address them until the end of the book. She thinks, “If nothing is working, why keep trying?” Every time her faith is lifted slightly, her dreams are crushed, yet again, and the endless cycle continues.
A demon, Aza claims, is controlling her and she feels stuck inside her own body. It is actually just her OCD, which psychologically appears in her head as a demon. Despite her unease with foreign substances, she is driven to take her medication. The battle continues in her head about whether or not she should listen to this demon or not. The demon consistently brings up irrational fears and doubts and she is forced to listen and react. It compels her to suspect that harmful bacteria is killing her from the inside. Resisting only brings her more pain. She refuses to be intimate with anyone and only thinks of herself as a mindless chunk of germs and bacteria. Aza reaches the breaking point when she starts swallowing the hospital hand sanitizer in attempt to rid herself of her ‘bacterial infection’. She finally gives into thinking that she is the demon. After she physically heals, she knows it is still there to haunt her forever, but she eventually learns to let it go.
All of Aza’s problems show how poorly she thinks of herself. She gathers that no one wants to deal with her or her troubles. She feels obligated to fix everything so that others do not worry about her. Burdening her family and friends makes her embarrassed and upset. She believes that there is no reason for anyone to care about someone as ‘disgusting’ and ‘revolting’ as herself. Having such a low self-esteem takes a toll on the relationships that she thought she did not need. This especially points to her relationship with Davis. Aza insists that he finds her gross and undateable and doesn’t let him speak for himself. Pushing everyone away eventually makes her understand what she had done. Her situation was not going to get better until she invited assistance in her life. Support from friends and family was the only thing that was truly going to save her.
At the end of the book, Aza’s problems are not completely solved. She has a long journey ahead of her, but she has so much to look forward to. Everyone has their demons that will haunt them for the rest of their lives, but they need to be accepted and let go. She will never really know exactly who she is as a human being and that is okay. Her pursuit of discovering her self identity will go on forever. It is turtles all the way down.
Unlike a few decades ago, many juveniles have been struggling with self identity and maintaining mental health. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 1 in 5 teenagers in the US suffer from severe mental disorders. This number is astonishingly high considering that in the 1950s, society rarely referred to a person as ‘depressed’. Today’s society has recognized its need for more psychiatric help. John Green demonstrates this in his book, Turtles All the Way Down, which refers to an old philosophical joke: Flat earth is balancing on an endless amount of larger and larger turtles--there is an exploration to find the top and bottom. It relates to finding self identity--an infinite process with no beginning and no end (a spiral)-- which many teens can connect with. Aza is not just confused with who she is but questions her existence and control over her life; everything ultimately works out in the finish.
Aza cannot remember a time when she did not feel hopeless or scared. Even before her dad left when she was a girl, she had recurring, troubling thoughts. She can no longer remember what it feels like to experience true joy. Bad experiences are constantly replaying in her mind and nothing ever changes. Floating around in a black hole, Aza seeks to find an escape, which only ends in failure. Dr. Singh regularly asks if she is taking her medication, but Aza states that she does not have the motivation to stick with it. She says, “via pill is… I don’t know… weird”(88). Aza worries that it will turn her into someone she is not. She also does not accept that therapy helps. Dr. Singh is constantly giving her tips to overcome her fears, but Aza fails to address them until the end of the book. She thinks, “If nothing is working, why keep trying?” Every time her faith is lifted slightly, her dreams are crushed, yet again, and the endless cycle continues.
A demon, Aza claims, is controlling her and she feels stuck inside her own body. It is actually just her OCD, which psychologically appears in her head as a demon. Despite her unease with foreign substances, she is driven to take her medication. The battle continues in her head about whether or not she should listen to this demon or not. The demon consistently brings up irrational fears and doubts and she is forced to listen and react. It compels her to suspect that harmful bacteria is killing her from the inside. Resisting only brings her more pain. She refuses to be intimate with anyone and only thinks of herself as a mindless chunk of germs and bacteria. Aza reaches the breaking point when she starts swallowing the hospital hand sanitizer in attempt to rid herself of her ‘bacterial infection’. She finally gives into thinking that she is the demon. After she physically heals, she knows it is still there to haunt her forever, but she eventually learns to let it go.
All of Aza’s problems show how poorly she thinks of herself. She gathers that no one wants to deal with her or her troubles. She feels obligated to fix everything so that others do not worry about her. Burdening her family and friends makes her embarrassed and upset. She believes that there is no reason for anyone to care about someone as ‘disgusting’ and ‘revolting’ as herself. Having such a low self-esteem takes a toll on the relationships that she thought she did not need. This especially points to her relationship with Davis. Aza insists that he finds her gross and undateable and doesn’t let him speak for himself. Pushing everyone away eventually makes her understand what she had done. Her situation was not going to get better until she invited assistance in her life. Support from friends and family was the only thing that was truly going to save her.
At the end of the book, Aza’s problems are not completely solved. She has a long journey ahead of her, but she has so much to look forward to. Everyone has their demons that will haunt them for the rest of their lives, but they need to be accepted and let go. She will never really know exactly who she is as a human being and that is okay. Her pursuit of discovering her self identity will go on forever. It is turtles all the way down.